“Today makes 14 years since we said ‘I do.’ This year has grown us in ways we might not have liked but we worked through it holding on to our life line, Jesus Christ. Isn't that what marriage is? Not giving up, not giving in, and trusting God to hold it together when you are on rough seas? I have no regrets only lessons learned. I love you like I never knew I could.
Growing old is definitely not for the weak. It sounds great when you are young and you say till death do us part. However, It takes the grace of God, Learning to forgive and pushing through the yuck to get to that finish line.” These were the words written by my dear friend and sister-in-Christ, Tina, on her anniversary yesterday.
She went on to say, “My friend Melissa Sharp runs ultra marathons and I just can't imagine what it's like to run a 50k or a 100k, but I now realize it must be like marriage. Just don't give up, don't give in and Always keep your eyes and heart directed at Jesus. It takes daily training and you have to embrace the rest days. Celebrate the wins. Be the hype man when your spouse is feeling down. Listen with an open heart.”
And, you know, as someone who’s had the blessing of running well over 100 marathons (26.2 miles) and ultramarathons (distances over 26.2 miles), including twelve 100-mile races, I will agree with Tina that marriage is, at times, just as hard as running a long distance race. Why? Because, making it to the finish line of an endurance run and to the finish line of a marriage (staying faithful and following the rules until death do us part), requires both endurance and extreme discipline.
You see, when the run gets hard and the muscles grow weary, the mind and the body will begin to crave comfort and ease. The flesh will cry out and say, “This isn’t worth it. Just stop and walk away.”
And this is the point when “the flesh with its passions and desires” must be crucified and put to death. Over the course of 100 miles, this looks a million choices of telling the flesh to “be silent” so the body can continue running the race. It’s a million choices to press on despite pain, hunger, nausea, darkness, and fatigue.
“Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.” Ephesians 5:1-2 NKJV
Marriage is very much the same as an ultramarathon in that, over the course of the long run that it is (marriage definitely isn’t a sprint), it requires crucifying, or putting to death, “the flesh with its passions and desires” so a person can remain steadfast and stay in the race. It requires making daily choices to “be imitators of God as dear children” rather than following the patterns of the world that considers divorce a great option when things get uncomfortable. It requires making daily choices to “walk in love,” not as the world does, but “as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us…” Seeing a pattern here?
Marriage requires making choices that aren’t comfortable.
“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” Philippians 2:3
And you can be sure that marriage will not be easy. There will be times in every marriage when it gets hard and the mind will say “It’s not worth it. Just give up and walk away.” There will be times in every marriage when a person will want to demand their own way and must crucify their flesh to “esteem” their spouse’s needs above their own—to be selfless in their service to them.
But this is the deal. Staying in the race will be worth it! Which means, every choice made to press on in the midst of hardship and not bow out is a choice to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. Every choice made to love your spouse and to forgive your spouse as Jesus loved and forgave you is a choice that gets you closer to the finish line. Every choice made to be patient and gracious to your spouse with your words and your actions, in spite of their imperfections (remembering that you have your own shortcomings), is a choice that is “an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.”
Once again, marriage requires making choices that aren’t comfortable.
But here’s another benefit of staying in the race. You, yourself, will not only reap the spiritual benefits for doing this, but your spouse and your family will as well. A happy marriage with Christ at the center brings joy, peace, growth, safety, and happiness to the whole house.
And consider this benefit as well. When we love our spouses the way God has commanded us to love them, we inspire others to do the same. When we continue running the race with our spouse, hand in hand, despite the difficulties that will come our way, we show the world what a godly marriage looks like.
This is something that’s very important in the day and age we live in with divorce rates at an all-time high and people choosing to abstain from marriage due, in great part, to a lack of good examples that model what God intended marriage to be… a beautiful picture of His love for us.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:22-28
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14
So, if you’re married, take the responsibility to love and cherish your spouse as God intended very seriously my friend. And if you’re not married, be careful in who you choose to marry, so that you will be joined to someone that shares your love for the Lord, and will do their part in modeling a godly example of marriage for the world to see.
Second to accepting Christ as your Savior, this is the most important decision you’ll ever make. It won’t be free from hardships, but the rewards will make it worth the effort.
Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding us that marriage is a covenant that you ordained between one man and one woman. Help us to take it seriously that we might love our spouses as you have commanded us to love them Lord. Help us to put You first in all things Lord, that we would be forgiving, gracious, and patient in all things. Help us to crucify our flesh to consider our spouses needs above our own that we might model a godly marriage that brings You glory and inspires others to do the same. It’s in your precious name we pray Jesus. Amen.
Happy Running!
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